Dirty Little Secret
by Ongaru
Summary: When Mona accidentally sends the wrong file to Wario, hilarious hijinks ensue. May include limes.
1. Chapter 1

Dirty Little Secret

Wario had a problem. His games were selling well. That idiot Mario hadn't shown up lately. No, his problem was much more personal.

He was in love. Not that he'd ever dare admit it to anyone--that would ruin his reputation. But he'd had an eye on that girl for a while now. She'd just turned 18. Not that he planned on making a move or anything. There was just no way he'd live it down. Dating a cheerleader--even if she did look really good in uniform--would make him look like some kind of goody-goody. Or a pervert. He wasn't really sure which was worse.

It didn't help that the first time they'd met, he'd tripped over a banana peel in the road, lost balance, and split his pants. Heck, if he flirted with her, she'd probably start telling people about that. The last thing Wario needed was for everyone to think he was a clumsy oaf.

No, it was better to just leave it alone. At least until he figured out a good plan to seduce her. After all, he had a reputation of always getting everything he wanted in life, and he didn't want to screw this up.

* * *

* *

After a long day at work, Mona turned on her computer. Three folders greeted her vision as she logged in: "WW games in progress," "MP Business info," and "Lemons."

Yes, _that_ kind of lemon. Nobody else knew it, but Mona enjoyed reading naughty fanfiction. "The Princess and the Plumber," "A Tale of Two Skitties," "Two Girls, One Koopa." The more implausible the romance, and the poorer the writing, the more it made her laugh. The "Lemons" folder was Mona's personal archive of the Internet's "Hall of Shame."

But the one romance she wanted was beyond her grasp. She'd dated a few young men she met when she worked at Joe's Gelateria, but they just hadn't had much chemistry. (Afterward, she vowed never again to date customers whose eyes never seemed to rest on her _face._) But the truth was, she was interested in an older man. And she couldn't for the life of her understand why it was so.

He was...well, to be blunt, he was a total jerk. Always thinking about money, always scheming to get ahead, constantly feuding with plumbers, and not above cheating his own friends. But there was something about him, something Mona couldn't define, that made her heart race and her palms sweat every time she saw him. Some nights, she even dreamed of telling him of her feelings, of a passionate kiss....and then the alarm would go off, waking her.

She didn't dare say anything to him in real life. He'd only laugh at her. Or worse, he might use her and throw her away. But she couldn't stop thinking about him. _What is it about the bad boys?_

"Well, it's time to send in the next batch of microgames." Mona attached the contents of her games folder to the email and sent it in. Now to feed her pets...


	2. Chapter 2

The deadline had arrived. Crygor had sent in his games a month ago--it seemed like he had nothing better to do than work on games. 9-Volt and 18-Volt had sent theirs in together a week later. Jimmy would probably be behind schedule, as usual. Everyone else had sent in their games at various times in the past few days to make sure they arrived on time. Except Mona.

Wario checked his email. There was one new message in his inbox.

**From:**

**To:**

**Subject:** Strange Games

Here they are, right on schedule. I'm sure they'll be a big hit! :)

**Attachment:** WW_strange_

Wario opened the attachment and extracted the files. He checked all the games to make sure they ran properly. As usual, they were silly, fun, and functional. (Thank goodness--the last thing Wario wanted was to be sued for selling a defective game. It would seriously cut into his profits!) Wait a minute--what was this? There was a text file mixed in with the games. What on earth...

Mona didn't know it, but she'd accidentally misfiled one of her lemons and sent it in with the games.

"Oh my." The writing was horrible, the personalities of the characters clashed, and the things they were doing were anatomically impossible. But Wario couldn't tear his eyes away. It was, quite possibly, the worst thing ever written. And he couldn't think of any good reason anyone would send him this garbage. He certainly couldn't incorporate it into the game, or there'd be the devil to pay.

_She must really hate me to send me this._


	3. Chapter 3

"Hmm, I've got mail again already. Wario must have logged on right after I sent it." Or perhaps he'd been logged on, waiting for her to send her games, because he--No, that was stupid. The thought of Wario waiting around for **anybody** was ridiculous.

**From:**

**To:**

**Subject:** RE: Strange Games

I got the games. Not your best work, but they'll do.

Is there a reason you sent me that terrible porn? You trying to torture me? Scar me for life?

Mona was flabbergasted. Porn? She'd sent one of the lemons? She checked her files again--and sure enough, "Porn Princesses" was in the wrong folder. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been so embarrassed. _Great. Now he thinks I'm some kind of sicko._ She had to do something to make up for it.

**From:**

**To:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Strange Games

OMG, I didn't mean to send that! I collect bad fanfiction, and I must've accidentally saved it to the wrong folder. No hard feelings, right?

She clicked "Send," then realized too late how incredibly stupid her email sounded. _This just isn't my day..._

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Author's Note: I seem to have written myself into a corner. There's one more update before we get to the point where writer's block has held me for the past month. I just don't know how to continue this from where next chapter ends and still keep everyone in character. Thanks for reading. Next update in about a week, then if you have any suggestions, send 'em in!


	4. Chapter 4

Wario was about to log off and enjoy a nice relaxing session of counting his money when he saw the notice pop up. "You have 1 new email message."

Mona again. This was a first--Wario couldn't remember the last time he'd received two emails from the same person in the same day. He read the email. So she collected "bad fanfiction," eh? Well, judging by the sample she'd accidentally sent him, her tastes tended toward the X-rated. He hadn't thought she'd had it in her.

This new knowledge was…intriguing, to say the least. What did she think about when she read those stories? Had she really sent that story to him accidentally, or…"accidentally on purpose?" Was this her way of…

No, no, no! He was reading things into this. _Mona can't be interested in me--surely someone as clever and handsome as I am would have noticed right away. Or she would have said something._

Wario would have trouble sleeping tonight. All night, he would keep turning over in his mind whether she was interested in him or not, and what he should do about it.


End file.
